I've been grumpy ever since Easter. Little things that normally don't bother me are extremely irritating. I want to snap, lash out, and let someone have it.
I thought to myself "I'm just tired, I've been putting in lots of hours. Anne and I have both been practically living in at our jobs, and falling into bed exhausted, up early and at it again for days. There are lots of little things that need to be fixed around the house, the car, and I had to file an extension on my taxes. That's what this is."
But then I got a message from a friend whose husband died a few weeks before Easter and sorrow and grief welled up inside and I choked up. And then I knew. I was tired of loss. Big losses and small losses, and almost no time to say goodbye, to really reflect, to hash them out with God.
There was a time when we valued a year of mourning. People wore black for several months, sometimes a year, so that others would know, and they would have a reminder.
So, for the last several mornings, I've been telling God who I miss, what I miss, and asking for grace to live with loss, and to live in hope that we will someday be re-united with those we love.
Colossians 1:15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 19 For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.